Monday, August 1, 2016
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Reflective Script: Embracing Boundlessness
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments.
Although I want to begin production on this project as soon as I can (which basically means this month!), I think that ultimately making a project I believe in is more important than completing my MFA at any given time. Since I am not planning on giving up my job at the moment, I think I am just going to begin production on this project without attachment to a particular ending date. One thing this course has helped me realize is that the way in which I approach this project – by building trust in and connection to the community I am working with and having sustainability in my life – is more important than the credential (which would also be awesome).
If the project ends up really sparking something inside of me, I will reevaluate whether I should leave or restructure my job to give it the time it needs. At the moment, there is no need to do that, but I will be open to reevaluating later and try to embrace the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen (which is the beauty of life, no?).
As I love collaboration and find it motivating, I will also assemble an awesome team to support this project and figure out ways to share responsibility. Having other people who believe in this project and can help move it forward will allow me to let go of a lot of the insecurity and overwhelmingness that I feel at the moment.
Although I want to begin production on this project as soon as I can (which basically means this month!), I think that ultimately making a project I believe in is more important than completing my MFA at any given time. Since I am not planning on giving up my job at the moment, I think I am just going to begin production on this project without attachment to a particular ending date. One thing this course has helped me realize is that the way in which I approach this project – by building trust in and connection to the community I am working with and having sustainability in my life – is more important than the credential (which would also be awesome).
If the project ends up really sparking something inside of me, I will reevaluate whether I should leave or restructure my job to give it the time it needs. At the moment, there is no need to do that, but I will be open to reevaluating later and try to embrace the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen (which is the beauty of life, no?).
As I love collaboration and find it motivating, I will also assemble an awesome team to support this project and figure out ways to share responsibility. Having other people who believe in this project and can help move it forward will allow me to let go of a lot of the insecurity and overwhelmingness that I feel at the moment.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Limits & Boundlessness
My project is completing my MFA and a documentary project by December 2017 (yup, just moved it back).
Internal limits:
Internal limits:
- Indecision about what story to tell
- Indecision about which medium to use
- Feeling overwhelmed by time & energy commitment
- Insecurity about skills
- Embarrassment seeking guidance/an advisor after long silence
- Fear of burnout in professional and creative spheres
- Fear of figuring out "what's next"
- Fear of missing out on other opportunities
- Fear of discovering I am not interested in producing my own projects
- Limited amount of time with current work and other projects
- No guaranteed access to any given story
- Physical distance from NYC (school, other students, advisors)
- Needs to fulfill MFA requirements (restrictions on collaboration, etc.)
Without limits:
- I could recruit/hire a team of collaborators who could help keep me inspired and the project rolling even when I get into busy periods (maybe possible with limits as well?)
- I would be able to spend extended periods of time in the communities I want to document, building relationships and trust
- I would be able to pivot this project into a career in which I am creatively directing the projects I am contributing
- I would be able to continue focusing on self-care and sustainability, avoiding burnout, pursue other interests, and tuned into the joy of creating on a regular basis without guilt or fear
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Reflective Script #2
I have been thinking a lot about Breesa's question: "What is the deep deep motivating force for someone to agree to make their private moments so public?"
It has honestly resurfaced in me what I think has been a barrier to completing my thesis that I haven't really acknowledged – the fact that by choosing to tell someone else's story, you are asking them to trust you, and when you ask someone to trust you and that is a huge thing that you have to deliver on and I think the politics of representation are so complicated and messy that you rarely can sincerely make a promise of trust. A lot of the time (certainly including Weiner, but man I loved that documentary), agreeing to be in a documentary is a terrible idea or at least a very conflicted one. And those are the documentaries that I, as a viewer, like watching – the ones that get really dang messy, but I don't feel comfortable implicating someone else in that. I think that's why, in my previous attempts to launch this project, I've stumbled in "getting access" to people and communities – because it feels like such a strange and intense and unbalanced request.
One of the things that I've been thinking about, though, is that my primary medium is audio and that medium feels much less ethically complicated in some (but certainly not all) way – primarily because it can offer anonymity. Even though I have been envisioning this piece as a video documentary, I am reconsidering approaching the story with the nuns using audio.
These are obviously huge ethical questions that will not be resolved any time soon, but it is nice to be able to put a finger on some of the lingering ambivalence around diving into this project.
It has honestly resurfaced in me what I think has been a barrier to completing my thesis that I haven't really acknowledged – the fact that by choosing to tell someone else's story, you are asking them to trust you, and when you ask someone to trust you and that is a huge thing that you have to deliver on and I think the politics of representation are so complicated and messy that you rarely can sincerely make a promise of trust. A lot of the time (certainly including Weiner, but man I loved that documentary), agreeing to be in a documentary is a terrible idea or at least a very conflicted one. And those are the documentaries that I, as a viewer, like watching – the ones that get really dang messy, but I don't feel comfortable implicating someone else in that. I think that's why, in my previous attempts to launch this project, I've stumbled in "getting access" to people and communities – because it feels like such a strange and intense and unbalanced request.
One of the things that I've been thinking about, though, is that my primary medium is audio and that medium feels much less ethically complicated in some (but certainly not all) way – primarily because it can offer anonymity. Even though I have been envisioning this piece as a video documentary, I am reconsidering approaching the story with the nuns using audio.
These are obviously huge ethical questions that will not be resolved any time soon, but it is nice to be able to put a finger on some of the lingering ambivalence around diving into this project.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Vulnerability, Curiosity, and Connection – Oh My!
I'm focusing on continuing to develop my creative practice through completing my MFA.
WHY?
An MFA will provide me with the mentorship and structured production experience to significantly hone my skills as a mediamaker, making my creative work more technically skilled and my message more effectively communicated. Completing the MFA will also demonstrate my commitment to using media as a tool of social engagement and change in future professional and creative opportunities. It also has the added benefit of providing a credential that will help give me access to teaching opportunities in higher education.
The deeper "why": I aspire for my work to foster vulnerability and curiosity, which in turn develops empathy and enhances the quality of our lives as individuals as well as strengthens our connections to one another.
WHO IS MY CUSTOMER?
I have three different types of "customers" (though I still bristle at using this term)
The audience for my various creative projects
HOW WILL MY SERVICE HELP MY CUSTOMER?
Audience
While an MFA itself will not magically enhance the quality of my work, the critical thinking and time that I will put into finishing my MFA will undoubtably contribute to my development as a mediamaker and (hopefully) improve the quality of my work, thus increasing engagement with my audience.
Subjects
Same as above (more experience will make me a better mediamaker, getting an MFA will get me more experience), but I also think a credential would help demonstrate some legitimacy or at least commitment to this craft and critical thinking about the ethics of mediamaking, hopefully enhancing trust and confidence.
Students/Collaborators
Getting an MFA will increase my access to more potential students (University students within formal degree programs) and help establish myself as a mediamaker with demonstrated commitment to and mastery of my craft that would be an asset to a given project.
WHY?
An MFA will provide me with the mentorship and structured production experience to significantly hone my skills as a mediamaker, making my creative work more technically skilled and my message more effectively communicated. Completing the MFA will also demonstrate my commitment to using media as a tool of social engagement and change in future professional and creative opportunities. It also has the added benefit of providing a credential that will help give me access to teaching opportunities in higher education.
The deeper "why": I aspire for my work to foster vulnerability and curiosity, which in turn develops empathy and enhances the quality of our lives as individuals as well as strengthens our connections to one another.
WHO IS MY CUSTOMER?
I have three different types of "customers" (though I still bristle at using this term)
The audience for my various creative projects
My audience wants to be engaged with information and stories that make them feel more connected to other people and more informed about the world.
The subjects of my documentary work
My subject wants to feel heard and understood. They also want to be able to trust me as a documentary maker with their story. They are being vulnerable with me and taking the risk of me sharing their story to the public, so establishing trust is of the utmost importance. They also have to believe that their message is important, even more important than their insecurities, in order to take that risk.
My students and/or creative collaborators
My students and/or collaborators want to take action. They are eager for hands-on experience and knowledge. When they can't get or don't want hands-on experience, they are also interested in my experience guiding them.
HOW WILL MY SERVICE HELP MY CUSTOMER?
Audience
While an MFA itself will not magically enhance the quality of my work, the critical thinking and time that I will put into finishing my MFA will undoubtably contribute to my development as a mediamaker and (hopefully) improve the quality of my work, thus increasing engagement with my audience.
Subjects
Same as above (more experience will make me a better mediamaker, getting an MFA will get me more experience), but I also think a credential would help demonstrate some legitimacy or at least commitment to this craft and critical thinking about the ethics of mediamaking, hopefully enhancing trust and confidence.
Students/Collaborators
Getting an MFA will increase my access to more potential students (University students within formal degree programs) and help establish myself as a mediamaker with demonstrated commitment to and mastery of my craft that would be an asset to a given project.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
GOAL: Master the Fine Arts
THE GOAL: Complete MFA program + thesis project by May 2017
BENEFITS:
- Increased professional opportunities for career (i.e. teaching)
- Strengthened quality of portfolio (which might lead to more opportunities)
- Acquiring new skills and contacts in my industry
- Opportunity to explore a new topic and/or mode of production
- The joy of creating!
- Sense of accomplishment and completion
OBSTACLES
- Lack of time and poor boundaries with current job
- Balancing multiple medium-sized projects consecutively
- Indecisiveness on thesis project theme and mode
- Perfectionism and discomfort with the critique process
- Distance from my advisors and current students
- Administrative red tape
- Not getting distracted by other time-intensive but otherwise attractive opportunities
SKILLS AND KNOWLEDGE REQUIRED
- Time management and multi-tasking
- Technical skills (specifics depend on project mode)
- Topic specific research (area depends on thesis topic)
- Creativity + sense of adventure
- Decision making (on thesis topic)
PEOPLE AND GROUPS TO WORK WITH
- Thesis advisors (TBD)
- Andrew or someone local as third thesis advisor?
- Program Director
- Broken Planetarium community for feedback
- Northwest Documentary?
PLAN OF ACTION
July
- Negotiate less time and better support at work
August
- Settle administrative red tape
- Determine thesis project topic and medium
- Determine any other outstanding requirements for degree
September
- Approach and secure advisors
- Begin production
- Identify any other collaborators/crew to help execute project
October
- In person meeting with advisors
December
- Complete first draft of thesis
January
- In person meeting with thesis advisors
February
- Present second draft of thesis to advisors
March
- Apply for graduation
April
- Submit thesis paper
May
- Thesis defense
DEADLINE: MAY 2017
RS: I would be lying if I said I was 100% confident that this is the most practical or sensible goal for me at the moment, but it seems that I might as well explore whether or not this is a viable and rewarding option. I've been thinking about it a lot over the past several years and haven't been able to come to any resolution, so I don't think I am going to get any more clear on that without actually attempting it. At this point, I'd rather try and fail than not attempt it because I am afraid it would be too overwhelming. I want to set this goal while also giving myself permission to readjust if it no longer serves me. I am probably still more in the fact-finding stage to know exactly how much work to complete the project and there is a part of me that is hesitant to commitment without knowing what I'm signing up for. It likely won't be my #1 priority in the next year, but I am choosing to be optimistic (but hopefully not naive) to think I can carve an adequate amount of time for it without it draining the rest of my life.
RS: I would be lying if I said I was 100% confident that this is the most practical or sensible goal for me at the moment, but it seems that I might as well explore whether or not this is a viable and rewarding option. I've been thinking about it a lot over the past several years and haven't been able to come to any resolution, so I don't think I am going to get any more clear on that without actually attempting it. At this point, I'd rather try and fail than not attempt it because I am afraid it would be too overwhelming. I want to set this goal while also giving myself permission to readjust if it no longer serves me. I am probably still more in the fact-finding stage to know exactly how much work to complete the project and there is a part of me that is hesitant to commitment without knowing what I'm signing up for. It likely won't be my #1 priority in the next year, but I am choosing to be optimistic (but hopefully not naive) to think I can carve an adequate amount of time for it without it draining the rest of my life.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Hiddy ho!
Hi fellow Catalyst folks/the internet void!
I'm excited to head out on this journey with you all. This is my fifth PUGS class and I am very grateful for the community and opportunity to focus on learning that it provides. I've been on some self-improvement/efficiency kicks lately, but could use some support, so am especially interested in this class.
I grew up in Tacoma, but I've lived in Portland for two years now. In the interim, I've lived in Chicago, San Francisco, and New York City and am delighted to be back and making a home in the Pacific Northwest.
By day (and occasionally late night), I am the radio producer and editor for the public radio show Live Wire. It's been a pretty exciting ride so far – the show has grown a lot and my position with the organization has also grown a lot in the last few years. Before that, I worked at The Moth and was pursuing an MFA in non-fiction media at Hunter College in NYC. Despite my best intentions, progress on my MFA has stalled since moving to Portland. I'd like to wrap that up in the semi-near future.
Outside of work (and especially recently), I also am working on a jukebox-based oral history project called Wage/Working about workers and income inequality. My husband and I also collaborate on United Noshes, a project in which we are hosting a dinner party for every country in the United Nations. Today is the fifth anniversary of that project and we will be celebrating with our 116th meal featuring food from Morocco!
My other interests include traveling, reading, and music (with a specific soft spot for folk/country/harmonies). I've recently taken up guitar, camping, and running. I also have an awesome dog named Emmylou and am on the brink of adopting a second (send help).
One of my favorite books of all time is Far from the Tree by Andrew Solomon, which though focussed on the experience of parents, has fundamentally changed the way I think about society and how we respond to identities that differ from our own.
On a lighter note, I'd like to share one of my favorite YouTube videos. Sense of humor is a central part of my coping and interacting with the world. I also love this video as I personally struggle with failure which often gets in the way of experiencing pure joy. This video is nothing if not pure joy for me.
I'm excited to head out on this journey with you all. This is my fifth PUGS class and I am very grateful for the community and opportunity to focus on learning that it provides. I've been on some self-improvement/efficiency kicks lately, but could use some support, so am especially interested in this class.
I grew up in Tacoma, but I've lived in Portland for two years now. In the interim, I've lived in Chicago, San Francisco, and New York City and am delighted to be back and making a home in the Pacific Northwest.
By day (and occasionally late night), I am the radio producer and editor for the public radio show Live Wire. It's been a pretty exciting ride so far – the show has grown a lot and my position with the organization has also grown a lot in the last few years. Before that, I worked at The Moth and was pursuing an MFA in non-fiction media at Hunter College in NYC. Despite my best intentions, progress on my MFA has stalled since moving to Portland. I'd like to wrap that up in the semi-near future.
Outside of work (and especially recently), I also am working on a jukebox-based oral history project called Wage/Working about workers and income inequality. My husband and I also collaborate on United Noshes, a project in which we are hosting a dinner party for every country in the United Nations. Today is the fifth anniversary of that project and we will be celebrating with our 116th meal featuring food from Morocco!
My other interests include traveling, reading, and music (with a specific soft spot for folk/country/harmonies). I've recently taken up guitar, camping, and running. I also have an awesome dog named Emmylou and am on the brink of adopting a second (send help).
One of my favorite books of all time is Far from the Tree by Andrew Solomon, which though focussed on the experience of parents, has fundamentally changed the way I think about society and how we respond to identities that differ from our own.
On a lighter note, I'd like to share one of my favorite YouTube videos. Sense of humor is a central part of my coping and interacting with the world. I also love this video as I personally struggle with failure which often gets in the way of experiencing pure joy. This video is nothing if not pure joy for me.
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