My project is completing my MFA and a documentary project by December 2017 (yup, just moved it back).
Internal limits:
Internal limits:
- Indecision about what story to tell
- Indecision about which medium to use
- Feeling overwhelmed by time & energy commitment
- Insecurity about skills
- Embarrassment seeking guidance/an advisor after long silence
- Fear of burnout in professional and creative spheres
- Fear of figuring out "what's next"
- Fear of missing out on other opportunities
- Fear of discovering I am not interested in producing my own projects
- Limited amount of time with current work and other projects
- No guaranteed access to any given story
- Physical distance from NYC (school, other students, advisors)
- Needs to fulfill MFA requirements (restrictions on collaboration, etc.)
Without limits:
- I could recruit/hire a team of collaborators who could help keep me inspired and the project rolling even when I get into busy periods (maybe possible with limits as well?)
- I would be able to spend extended periods of time in the communities I want to document, building relationships and trust
- I would be able to pivot this project into a career in which I am creatively directing the projects I am contributing
- I would be able to continue focusing on self-care and sustainability, avoiding burnout, pursue other interests, and tuned into the joy of creating on a regular basis without guilt or fear
So... how can you make any of these limits beautiful?
ReplyDeleteHow does indecision, overwhelmingness, and shame of being afraid make your project *better* than deciciveness, totally doableness, and fearlesness?
ReplyDeleteHow does indecision, overwhelmingness, and shame of being afraid make your project *better* than deciciveness, totally doableness, and fearlesness?
ReplyDelete1. Since one of your constraints is physical distance, what if your thesis project dealt with distance/geography as a topic?
ReplyDelete2. I feel you on the fear of missing out on other projects. Commitment is tough. How can you fully commit to/fully embrace the creative MFA project?
3. If it turns out you don't enjoy producing your own projects wouldn't that be AMAZING ACTUALLY? Then you would know. You won't ever have to do it again.
Hi Laura,
ReplyDeleteIt was very exciting to get to work with you the first time on Monday and really see your passion for working with nuns and documenting their experience. Are the mediums you're deciding between audio and film? I'm wondering because like you said, the nuns might feel better with the anonymity of audio, even if film is your passion and you're not sure if you'll get to make a film again. I agree with Breesa, what if you find out you don't enjoy producing your own projects? You will still have your MFA that you just earned and have completed a major life goal. Who knows who you will meet along the way, they might introduce you to something totally new.
In reading your fear about burnout, I think a lot about how you balance your job now doing two polar opposite things. Maybe that's how you'll find balance and your "what's next?"
Take Care,
Sam
Hi Laura,
ReplyDeleteYour constraints and my constraints are almost identical!
Perhaps you and I can start a work/support group with each other to hold each other accountable and work through some of these constraints and insecurities.
I think beyond this class, there might be some other resources, such as workshops, books, techniques and other classes to help explore some of these insecurities.
Hi Laura, I really relate to your post, especially your Internal Limits list, which is quite comprehensive in the indecision and fear departments. My hunch is, because you are a creative thinker and because you know yourself well, that list has the ability to take up a lot of space in your mind (like a big spongey obstacle if you let it). What if the beautiful constraint is in limiting the space those fears are allowed? Like, for example, you sounded excited about the nun project (when you mentioned it to me the first night and I see Samantha saw your enthusiasm too this week) and your list indicates that indecision is still in there limiting you. Is there a way you experiment with drawing up your options so you can lay out all the choices so you can pick one? (Maybe you've already done that) If you can commit to the project, you can check off each Internal limit off the list, so as to minimize the space that list gets to take up. (Because I wonder if that list is the thing that's actually compounding the risk of burnout, and not just the energy required for the project).
ReplyDeleteAs far as the embarassment of getting back in touch with the advisor -- I think it's awesome you listed that, because it's a real obstacle, and that might be a place you can 'beautify' it. I bet once you garner up from enthusiasm for the project, sending that email will be much easier because you can reach out with the positivity and enthusiasm.
All of these things are held back by the indecision of committing to the actual endeavor of Doing This Thing. It has sounded to us (as your sounding board) that you feel completing this project (and getting the degree) is the best move for you, right? And it sounds like you need to design it so it causes minimal stress while under the constraint of having a full-time job and a partner and being here on the West coast. Can you design it with the beautfiul constraint that it wont make you miserable or stressed for the next six months, so that is even fun and exciting... ?